It’s ok to fail

Money Psychology

Jun 25

Written By Katherine Kocher

You did it again. You failed. BIG time.

You maxed out your credit card.

You missed a car payment.

You overdrafted your checking account.

You bought something too expensive because it’s been *that* kind of week.

Everyone makes mistakes with their money; but as women we also tend to stew. We think about that mistake again and again, trying to dissect it within an inch of our lives because we have to know how it went wrong.

What could I have done to prevent maxing out my card?

How could I have been so stupid to miss my payment deadline?

What happens now if my credit score drops/I have to pay a fee?

We run scenarios over and over again in our heads in which we did everything perfectly and never made the mistake at all.

But that’s not life. And, unfortunately, we don’t get any real life do-overs.

I say all this as a reformed Professional Stew-er. In the past, whenever I made even the tiniest mistake, I had to examine that error from all angles, as if to punish myself for making it.

But a few years ago I read the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Many of you may know her as the author of the book Eat, Pray, Love. Big Magic is a book which explores creativity and inspiration and where they come from.

It’s a wonderful book for many reasons, but the line that stood out the most to me in this story was:

“You don’t need to conduct autopsies on your disasters”

As a Professional Stew-er, this line GUT punched me. Once again, Liz Gilbert made me feel as though she was peering into my soul.

I have struggled with fear of failure my whole life. It has held me back many times, because I’d rather not try than try and fail. I think this is common for many women. We’re taught that to be anything less than perfection is to BE a failure.

So we obsess, we stew, and we let our minds be consumed by how we failed. But as Liz Gilbert so eloquently puts it - we don’t need to conduct autopsies.

It’s enough to know that we have failed. We don’t always need to know why.

So whether you maxed out your credit card on a vacation you couldn’t afford, bought a car that was too expensive or missed a few student loan payments, take a breath and remember that you don’t need to over-examine your mistake.

Our failures exist. We all have them. Maybe your failure even hurt someone else. But allowing that pain to overwhelm you clouds you from the path forward. The solution to your mistake comes from creating a plan to solve it and you won’t find it without letting go of your guilt.

Take it from Liz - you don’t need to know why your failure happened, only that it did. Next time, you’ll do better.

Keep looking forward.