Are You a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

What is a self-fulfilling prophecy? 

A self-fulfilling prophecy is when your belief or expectation influences your behaviors, thus causing your belief or expectation to become true. 

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a cycle of beliefs affecting actions, which affect results, which affect beliefs again.

For example, Julia thinks she is dumb and will fail her chemistry test. So she doesn’t study for her test and fails, proving to herself that she is dumb and a failure (in her own mind at least). 

But not all self-fulfilling prophecies are negative. 

Maggie was a very good soccer player. She believed she would be good at any sport she tried. So when she joined the track team, she went to practice every day and trained hard and won all of her races. Just like she thought, Maggie proved she was good at many sports. 

How does this relate to money? 

Take this example: 

When they first met, Martha told her boyfriend that she bought a pair of $700 Manolo Blahnik shoes as a college graduation present to herself. Her boyfriend, who had never spent more than $40 on a pair of shoes, told her, “Why would you spend that much on shoes? You’re so irresponsible with money!” 

Even though Martha had the $700 to pay for the shoes, and believed she deserved a treat for graduating college, she started to believe her boyfriend. $700 was a lot of money for shoes. After all, she had student loans to pay. Maybe she was irresponsible with money. Martha started to spend more money on shoes, gathering a collection of designer shoes that would make Carrie Bradshaw sick with envy, because that’s what she thought irresponsible people do - they spend lots of money on shoes. 

Because Martha’s boyfriend made her feel irresponsible, she now feels like she is an irresponsible person and acts how she thinks an irresponsible person would act.

Believing something to be true affects our actions, which causes the belief to become true. When Martha bought her first pair of Manolo Blahnik’s it was a one-time purchase. But after her boyfriend called her irresponsible, Martha started to believe it and she acted in a way that an irresponsible person would act, by buying even more shoes. 

How to break a self-fulfilling prophecy

Luckily, there are ways to break a self-fulfilling prophecy. The first is simply being aware that it is happening. Do you tell yourself any of these phrases? 

I’m just bad with money. 

I’m bad at math, I’ll never learn how to invest.

I don’t make enough money to…  

I’m not the kind of person that can buy…

Be cautious of words like “never” “always” or “can’t”. These are very rigid words that won’t allow you the creativity you need to change. 

Next, you need to recognize how you talk to yourself. If you tell yourself “I’m bad with money” it will be impossible to build healthy money habits. If you say “I’m so stupid for getting myself into credit card debt” you’ll be in debt the rest of your life. 

Try a reframe. Instead of “I’m bad with money” try “Money is hard for me, but I’m willing to work on it”. Instead of “I’m so stupid for getting myself into credit card debt” try “I was really young when I got my first credit card, and I didn’t understand how they worked. Now, I’m going to make a plan to get out of debt”. 

One of the most powerful re-frames we can create for ourselves is: “I am…”. 

I am smart enough to invest my money. 

I am confident enough to figure out how to pay off my credit card debt. 

I am persistent enough to change my money habits. 

In the same way that negative thoughts can become negative behaviors, positive thoughts can turn into positive behaviors.

Choose a mantra for yourself and your money. You can choose one of the ones above, or a new one. Repeat it to yourself every morning. I am persistent enough to change my money habits. I am persistent enough to change my money habits. I am persistent enough to change my money habits. 

It might seem silly at first, and you may feel like you’re lying to yourself. But keep doing it. Over time your heart will start to believe what your mind already knows. You CAN do this.

Your life may not be perfect, but it is imperfectly yours. The only way to live it is your way.