4 things to consider before combining finances with a partner

Whether you’re married or in a long-term relationship, how you and your partner decide to manage your money is very personal. 

Joint finances means something different to every couple. But whether you’ve been together for 6 months or 60 years, every relationship should be built on a foundation of respect and honesty. This is no different when it comes to money.

So if you’re ready to combine finances with your partner or spouse, here are 4 things you should consider: 

1. Debt 

Debt sucks; but it’s a fact that most American adults have had or currently have some sort of debt. Whether it's student loans, car loans, credit card debt or a mortgage, you must disclose all of your debt to your partner before combining finances. 

Hidden debt can become a major source of conflict for couples. Imagine working to build an Emergency Fund with your partner, only to find out that your partner secretly had $30,000 of credit card debt that was accruing more and more interest every month. That would be a serious breach of trust. 

So, be honest with your partner and share your debt with them. And if your partner is the one with debt, remember to be understanding when they share their debt numbers with you. Debt tends to be linked to feelings of shame and embarrassment. If you want your partner to be open and honest with you, you need to meet them with a level of compassion that is deserving of their vulnerability. 

That being said, you also need to be pragmatic. Whether you are fully combining finances, or simply sharing living expenses, debt payments have to be factored into your combined budget. You need to know your partner is working to pay off the debt and they have a game plan for how to do it.

2. Your values 

Maybe when you were dating you didn’t pay too much attention when your partner came over in a new, expensive pair of shoes, but you will definitely notice once “what’s mine is yours”. Do you trust your partner to spend responsibly? What does “spending responsibly” even mean to you? 

You need to have a conversation with your partner about your priorities in life, and how your money is going to support those priorities. 

This absolutely does not mean that you need to have exactly the same priorities when it comes to spending money, but you do need to have your values aligned. 

If you value eating healthy food, you might spend a lot of money on organic vegetables at the farmer’s market. Does your partner agree that this is a worthwhile use of your money? Or do they criticize you for spending so much on zucchini? Do they respect how important healthy foods are to you, even if they’re more expensive? 

Having a conversation about values will help you both understand what’s most important to you both individually and as a couple, and will help you come to an agreement about how to spend your money in ways that support your values. 

3. How “combined” will you be? 

Some couples have 100% separate finances, some are 100% joint, and most fall somewhere in the middle. Have a conversation about what combining finances means to you and your partner. 

Will you maintain any separate accounts? Will you use joint accounts for household expenses? If so, how much will each of you contribute to those accounts? 

Also, remember that if one partner earns a higher salary, you should have a discussion about what “fair” means for your finances. Will you still split 50-50? Will you contribute a proportional amount of your paycheck for joint expenses? How much can one of you spend without having to “check in” with your partner? 

There is unequivocally no right answer for combining your finances. Any solution you choose is perfect, as long as you and your partner are in agreement.    

4. What are your dreams? 

Finally, what are your dreams? Without a goal in mind, it’s far too easy to spend money aimlessly on things that you don’t truly value. Talking with your partner about your dreams for the future will help make them a reality. 

Have you always dreamed of taking a safari in Africa? Use your joint account to start saving together. Do you want to buy a home in the suburbs with a big backyard for your dog? Talk about how much you can both contribute towards a downpayment. 

Having a dream with your partner will not only bring you closer together, but it will give you a reason to save your money together. 

Combining finances with a partner is a big task. You have to start having conversations around money that may make you uncomfortable or embarrassed. That’s ok! 

It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when talking about money, because most of us never grew up discussing money openly. Expect the first conversations with your partner to be awkward. 

But I encourage you to keep pushing through the awkwardness, because these conversations are so important. Discussing these 4 topics with your partner will help you lay a strong foundation to your relationship and your life. 

You’ve got this! 

Your life may not be perfect, but it is imperfectly yours. The only way to live it is your way.