Treat Yourself
In my family, birthdays were a big deal. Growing up, my mom always made us feel so special on our birthdays by decorating the house and throwing us fabulous parties (they were always in our house, with lots of homemade decorations so don’t go thinking fabulous means expensive).
Me on my 6th birthday. One of many princess-themed parties.
On my birthday, I always got a couple presents from my parents and I sometimes got presents from other family or friends. However, I didn’t always get the presents I wanted (I know, I know, I know - first world problems). As I got older and had money of my own to spend, I often bought birthday presents for my close friends and family. I’ve always enjoyed giving gifts - thinking about that person and what they might enjoy or appreciate. However, one year, I thought “I spend lots of time and money buying other people gifts for their birthdays, why don’t I buy myself a gift too?”
I’m the type of person that likes to hoard their money for a rainy day, so learning how to spend money on myself has been quite a process over the past few years. For a long time, I thought it was frivolous to spend any money on myself. I don’t really need that new pair of shoes, so I shouldn’t buy them. I might buy a scented candle for a friend or a nice perfume for my mom, but I wouldn’t buy those things for myself. So, when I graduated college and was turning twenty-two, I thought, “why don’t I buy myself something nice that I really like and want for my birthday?” (This also happened to be around the same time I started binging Parks and Recreation - a la “Treat Yourself” - where Donna and Tom have an annual day of splurging on anything and everything their hearts desire).
For my birthday, I bought myself an adorable little air plant. I spent maybe $20, including shipping, but spending money on a totally non-necessary gift to myself felt luxurious. I also bought a little glass planter to house my air plant and hung him in the window (yes, my plants have pronouns - his name is Ralph). The plant still hangs in my window today, soaking up the light and making my home beautiful.
As a reformed money hoarder, I have learned that saving all my money is actually bad. This attitude came from a scarcity mindset of believing that some day I might run out of money and not be able to take care of myself. But now, instead of thinking of my money like a giant bathtub, which is slowly draining, I try to think of my money like a river, always changing and ever moving. Part of what helped me adjust my mindset was learning to indulge myself occasionally on things that weren’t “necessary”. By treating myself to something special on my birthday every year, I’m giving myself permission to spend money on myself and in ways that I enjoy.
So, if your birthday is coming up, start brainstorming ideas of what you can purchase for yourself as a treat. Make a big deal of the fact that this is a gift to yourself. You can set a budget if it makes you feel better. My gifts to myself are usually $25-100. Some things I’ve gotten myself as birthday gifts are - plants (I love house plants, so a new plant on my birthday and I’ll be over the moon), new books, nice perfume, essential oils or candles. If physical items aren’t your cup of tea, I’ve also gifted myself a facial or massage. Spending an hour getting a massage on my birthday was definitely the kind of luxury I was looking for.
Be intentional with your gift. This isn’t just an excuse to go on a shopping spree. The idea is to treat yourself to something special that you might not otherwise consider buying. Plan ahead and give yourself time to think about what would bring you the most pleasure.
My husband has adopted my gift method as well and bought himself a pair of designer sunglasses. They were a long desired luxury item that he treated himself to as a birthday gift, and he looks great in them. It took him a long time to figure out that this was what he wanted though, because “designer” always seemed out of the budget, no matter the price tag. His birthday was the perfect opportunity to indulge himself, without going too far overboard (birthdays do only come around once a year after all). Now, he uses those sunglasses almost every day.
If, like me, you’re not sure how to spend money on yourself, check out your online shopping carts. I guarantee you’ve got something that's been sitting in there for a year that you never purchased because you “didn’t really need” it or “didn’t have the money this month”. If you’re an over spender, give yourself a budget and permission to spend within that budget guilt-free. Make a show of the fact that you’re buying this thing for yourself. It’s not an impulse purchase, it’s a gift. To YOU.
Even if you’re in debt, even if your kid needs a new pair of shoes, even if you just paid a huge medical bill, find $20 and treat yourself. It’s your birthday, after all, and it only comes around once a year.
Action Item
Are you an over-spender or an under-spender?
If I gave you $50 and told you to spend it on something that brings you pleasure, what would you spend it on?
Your life may not be perfect, but it is imperfectly yours. The only way to live it is your way.
